u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
