I wish life had little blips of pornography
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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