And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
