Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
