she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
