Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
