He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i think my cat just said my name.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
