I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
