Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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