6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
