It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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