I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
