guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
