That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
