apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
