I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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