Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
