barbara walters just said penis...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
