Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
