i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
