Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
