the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
