i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
