I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
