I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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