So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
