i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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