shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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