YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
