Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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