my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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