You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
