I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
