We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
