In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
