my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
