We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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