Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
