sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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