dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
