I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
