So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
