we have officially lost it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize