they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
