Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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