is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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