I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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