But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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