Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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