Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
