Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
