have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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