my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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