Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
