I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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