Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
