Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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