She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
