this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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