took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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