All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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