Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
