You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
