none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
